Checklists

YOU GUYS.

I start my very first class tomorrow. I’ve been doing my proverbial homework, but it’s mostly been reading books on trauma and neuroscience while walking on treadmills. This is a real life “pass-this-and-you-are-that-much-closer-to-having-the-DPS-seal-of-approval” class. Confession?

I’ve always been a sub par student. I procrastinate (yes, this is a theme that we will frequently revisit) and cram. As an adult, I’ve always suspected that I had some sort of learning disability as a child, because I remember moments of frustration and tears when I’d read something over and over and still couldn’t understand it. I’ve never been a fast learner. When most people attempt to explain something I don’t understand, my brain doesn’t assimilate the information like other people. I usually feel stupid. And angry because I know that I’m smart, but I just can’t re-arrange the puzzle pieces in my head to see things as others do.

I’ve always been best at things that didn’t require charts, memorization and flash cards. I’m extremely intuitive and, other than Jesus, that’s the best thing I have going for me as a future teen foster parent. I’ll tell my story in “bites” as we go on, but I’ve been through sooooome “stuff.” Jerry Springer wouldn’t believe my life story. However, I hesitate to use the word “suffering” in light of the atrocities that children in the system endure daily, hourly and every second.

If you are interested in foster care or adoption, you need this book.

Today’s chapter dealt with behavioral defenses and the underlying trauma. Karyn points out that, instead of pushing damaged kids away because their “bad behavior” scares us, we should respect them deeply. The “fight or flight” that we see is the residue of nightmares. It’s a symptom of the loneliness, isolation, hunger and abuse. It’s a reminder that this tiny creature in front of us survived. We bestow honor on what others have dishonored just like the Creator bestows dignity on those who are despised and forsaken. Going into these classes, I do not feel like a hero. I feel deeply conflicted about the parts of my own heart that look at “bad behaviors” and see a bad person. I think of the men, women and teens I see every day whose behaviors scream “trauma” and how little respect I feel when they begin to demonstrate “acting out” in all it’s glory.

If man really is fashioned, more than anything else, in the image of God, then clearly it follows that there is nothing on earth so near to God as a human being. The conclusion is inescapable, that to be in the presence of even the meanest, lowest, most repulsive specimen of humanity of the world is still to be closer to God than when looking up into a starry sky or at a beautiful sunset.  -Mike Mason

I don’t think that we intentionally discount people, but this trend of humans (wrongly) deciding what is valuable to God is age-old. At some point, we who claim to know God must align with the things He says and what He sees. I’m not “there.” I’m not almost there. But I’m certainly on my way.

Signing Off,

M